Lamborghini LM002

Welcome to the Generalissimo’s first post. Please, whatever you do, no flash photography.

GEN: Welcome!

WGT: Thanks, I think.

GEN: Safety first!

WGT: (I click my seatbelt) Tell me a little about your car.

GEN: This is a 1991 Lamborghini LM002! I rescued her from a tragic fate at the hands of an evil oil tycoon! He made the classic mistake of giving her to me! Fool!

WGT: Um, okay. What I meant was—

GEN: Hold on! We ride! Ha ha!

WGT: (author crosses himself) Oh sweet Jesus.

GEN: I did not realize you were Catholic!

WGT: I’m not.

GEN: I salute your willingness to remain open-minded!

WGT: (author grabs the wheel as the Generalissimo actually salutes) GAAAAHHHH!

GEN: That’s the spirit! (He retakes control of the vehicle) I find aggressive driving to be one of life’s great joys!

WGT: That’s a bicyclist!

GEN: Indeed! He should be more careful!

WGT: You were in his lane.

GEN: Or was he in mine! We may never know!

WGT: He was going the other direction.

GEN: Look! A rapscallion!

WGT: It’s a tow truck.

GEN: He’s stealing that car! We must give chase!

WGT: It’s a tow truck.

GEN: Hold on! We must right that which is about to go wrong!


Twenty minutes later, after the police report has been signed and we are free to go the audio file continues.

GEN: Honest mistake!

WGT: Was not!

GEN: Was too!

WGT: Can we get back to your review?

GEN: Indubitably! The LM is the finest conveyance the world has ever seen!

WGT: How does it drive?

GEN: I’ll show you!

WGT: Please, no…

I have no memory of ending up in the ditch. In fact, I have no memories of the last two days, or my admission to the Emergency Room. All I have are the mp3 files from my voice recorder to tell me the tale. For the next five minutes, all I can make out is whimpering. At one point, someone begins to weep openly. Pretty sure that was me.

GEN: You have survived! I salute your fortitude! (he salutes)

WGT: (pressing the morphine button) Go away.

GEN: Alas, I cannot. You have, my compatriot, performed a great service to this nation. Your willingness to be at my side as I give in to my passion for the automobile honors me. I am, as always, your humble servant.

WGT: (mashing the morphine button) Where’s the nurse?

GEN: I have good news!

WGT: They gave you that MRI I keep begging you to get?

GEN: No! I have secured your release from this facility! If memory serves—

WGT: It won’t.

GEN: We never finished our road test! Come! We ride! Ha ha!

WGT: (gurgling sound)

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