Albertson’s cheese Danish

albertsons-chese-danish.jpg“This is more like it!” the Generalissimo cried.

I’d made the mistake of having the great sunglassed one over to my place for an evening of cheese Danishes and fine boxed wine. Unfortunately, the first Danish I pulled out wasn’t a Danish at all, but a cheese croissant. He wasn’t amused. This offering, also from Albertson’s, was a true cheese Danish, and he seemed much more inclined to enjoy it, right until he put it into his mouth.

“GAAAAA! What is this vile creature? Upon whose sullied hands have wrought such a lifeless abomination?”


“They shall feel my wrath!” He pulled out his stainless steel Colt Anacondas and ran out the door, into the night.

“What about the boxed wine?” I called after him.

His head popped back in. “You have the boxed wine?”


“Is it any good?”

“Why don’t you tell me.”

He smiled, put away the weapons, and got back to work. While he drank himself stupid to wash down the foul taste in his mouth, I decided to have a go at the Danish. He was right. It was better than the croissant, but that’s like saying the Mustang II was a better car than the Pinto. Like saying Two-Buck Chuck is a step up from Boone’s. Like saying Natural Light is a better deal than Keystone Light.

The bread was a little better, but still not something I’d gladly toss into my mouth. The filling was the same baby vomit consistency of the croissant’s, only there was less of it (might have been a good thing). The frosting was good, but when the rest is so bad, the icing on the crap cake seems kinda irrelevant. But for some sick reason, when taken all together, the overall result wasn’t too bad. But I only had the one bite, and I wasn’t willing to take any more chances with this one than I had to.


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