2007 Bandit Merlot

“What is thisthe Generalissimo asked when I handed him the container.

“It’s called wine.”



“But the container…”

“I know, I know. It’s not a box in the way you know and love them, but it’s still box-like.”

“But, where is the spout?”

“It’s got a screw cap.”


I unscrewed the top and poured him a glass. “Give it a shot.”

He stared at the glass, his lips curled into a frown that matched the curve of his mustache. He picked up the glass, tentatively bringing it to his nose. He sniffed.

“It smells like box wine.” He swirled it. “It looks like box wine.” He closed his eyes, made the sign of the cross, and poured the contents down his throat. He swallowed. His eyes popped open. “Indeed! It tastes like box wine! It is…magnificent!”

Magnificent might be a stretch. It’s not bad, as wines go. The taste is smooth without being bitter. The box wisely didn’t try to tell me it had subtle hints of cranberry or a nose of ripe melon, but instead tried to convince me of the value of wine sold in a container like this. It had a list of ten reasons, but only a few struck a cord with me. Number 2: more wine. Number 3: lower shipping weight=less fuel emissions. Number 8: made largely of renewable resources (I’m hoping they meant the box). Number 10: you can crush it on your forehead. That last one was by far the most important.

“It tastes like a freshly caught mule, ripened over a roaring flame, then plunged into the mountain spring waters of the Sahara


“It smells like the Generalissima after she’s bathed!”

“Wow, that’s way too much information—”

“I give it seven mustaches!”

“Out of?”

“Out of what?!”

“Out of how many mustaches?”

“I like piñatas!”

Bandit’s 2007 Merlot is good. I’d drink it again. That’s all that matters.

2 Responses to “2007 Bandit Merlot”

  1. Steve Stoyles says: