Archive for the ‘Volvo’ Category

1996 Volvo 850R wagon

Sunday, December 14th, 2008

I tossed him the keys. Looking back, this was a mistake. In fact, pretty much everything about this was a mistake.

“Get in!” the Generalissimo cried. I did as instructed. I vaguely remembered my last test drive with him, which meant I had my seat belt on before I even shut my door.

We’d decided to do the first few tests in cars we had easy access to. The first, obviously, was the Generalissimo’s Lamborghini LM002. The second was in my car, a 1996 Volvo 850R wagon. She had 72,000 miles on the clock and I’d just gotten her back from the dealer after two grand in engine mounts, struts, and sway bar installation. On the upside, she was driving like a dream. Then I gave a crazy man my keys.

He had on his dress uniform, the green one with all the shiny buttons and ribbons and the gold braids hanging from the epaulets. He looked like something out of a bad eighties movie, ready to conquer a neighboring country. He cranked up the Volvo. The turbocharged five cylinder engine wasn’t as smooth as you might expect. Less of a kitten’s purr and more of an adult cat trying to purr while you’re standing on it. Not that I’ve done this before. Not that they can prove.

“Hold on!” he said. He put the gear selector in Drive and dropped the e-brake. I closed my eyes and said a prayer. Not sure if the Big Guy was listening.